In general, I haven’t been feel very well lately. My eating habits have been down, my digestion as felt rather sluggish, and my brain has been afflicted with an additional layer of self-uncertainty. As a result, this will probably end up being quite short due to the likeliness I’ll need to sprint towards the toilet or hurl verbal insults at a mirror.
It’s not so much been the spectre of sudden and inexplicable feelings of depression. If anything, that’s always there, lurking in the background, waiting for something to unearth it. Lo, and behold, the something appeared.
Not too long ago, the lady in the passenger seat with a hi-vis and a clipboard told me she felt I was capable of operating a car on Britain’s roads, without the need for the man in the passenger seat assisting me. Huzzah! Two years (or thereabouts) of instructed driving had ultimately paid off. Shortly afterwards, I had various meetings with a man in place filled with cars. Around a week later, I drove away from those premises in a portable construction of metal, plastic and promises of optimism.
Suddenly driving solo is a little intimidating. Of course it is, you’re on your own, controlling something big and heavy. As a novice driver, I’ve had more experienced drivers behind me beep as I’ve cautiously made right turns in difficult spots. Off-putting, yes, but the way I see things, I’d rather be confident in making the turns safely than pander to the frustrations of someone who could easily do the same turns whilst texting blindfolded after a few cans of Stella.
My experience on the road is still blooming and – considering I’ve spent the first 27 years of my existence travelling as a passenger – I probably will find it slightly odd for at least the rest of the year. As for now, I have to force my way through the struggle, and the struggle is never where I want to be. What doesn’t help is that I’m currently residing in the house alone whilst the rest of the family has gone away camping. Even if we didn’t speak, just knowing somebody else is in the house is good enough for dealing with loneliness, especially at times when one feels unsure of oneself and has to deal with the struggle alone.
Oh yeah, and I’ve not been eating much over the week, resulting in a lack of energy and feelings of queasiness – a queasiness that’s probably not helped by the nerves of being a relatively new solo driver. Trying to eat something to get rid of the hunger is a lot harder when you don’t feel like you want to eat it. Part of me worries I’m experiencing some kind of serious eating disorder, but then again, that part of me always worries about something. If it didn’t, well, what else would it do? Relax and be optimistic about life? Give over!
Hopefully I feel much better when people return home by the weekend. At least then I have done thing to look forward to. Then again, that’s what I thought about getting a car and the cynicism, pessimism and worry still hasn’t disappeared, it’s just found a new aspect of my life to latch onto.
Angry guitars and shouting! “Kenny from South Park”-style mumbling! Those are two statements that if anyone had screamed them at me before, I would’ve strongly considered checking out Pixies earlier. That is, assuming all of their previous efforts are pretty much exactly like this.
Okay, yes, I’m pretty much reciting the playlist from BBC 6music with all these, but when a particular radio station dominates your weekdays, you tend to find yourself enjoying all the regular tunes, even the ones you didn’t care for at first. This, however, isn’t one. This one had me shouting along from the first instance, which thankfully was at home with nobody around rather than in an open-plan office.
Pixies – Um Chagga Lagga
Jamie Walsh 
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