Say Something

As ridiculous as it seems to even have to mention it, I’m putting this here as hard copy for me to keep referring back to whenever I get stressed. Talking about your problems is much better than not talking about your problems. You’re an idiot if you keep not talking about your problems and keeping things to yourself will kill you… mentally and physically.

Whenever you feel trapped, say something to someone. Whenever you’re struggling to keep going, say something to someone. Whenever you come to some crazy, irrational self-styled solution to getting out of your situation, fucking say something.

Yes, I did that lately. I wanted to get out of things that have been making me miserable. And you know what, talking about it helped. No, I’m not miraculously healed. Yes, I’m still miserable a lot of the time. But now someone else knows my misery, and that makes things just that tiny bit better somehow.

Writing at length is still difficult. Scratch that. Writing at length for leisure is still difficult. I even tried a throwaway spoof comedy article recently and was ashamed at its awfulness that I submitted it to a website anyway because I have little to no self-respect these days. For the record, it went nowhere and that one brief moment when I thought I’d found a calling in life will remain one of the few hopeless glimmers of this year and probably the last one as well.

I promise, I’m not trying to be down and miserable all the time in these things. But it is easier to do. It’s too much work trying to hone in on happy stuff and ramble on about it at length. Ultimately, doing the stuff that feels easier is what makes me feel somewhat better about achieving something here. Maybe next week will be more of a fun one though. I’m off work then.

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Despite knowing of The xx, I never really listened to them all that much. I vaguely recall trying to once, but their unique brand of indie electronic ambient noise couldn’t quite break through my closed-mindedness to a wide variety of musical genres. This was years ago and I’ve learned my lesson now. I think.

Following various solo activities of the band folks, they’re coming back with something along the lines of this. Six-years-ago me would probably hate it. But screw that guy, he’s happy with his present situation and general life direction. He doesn’t know he’s heading this way, into a persistent dead-end of anxiety, self-hatred and reliance on new varieties of music to keep him at least somewhat sane.

The xx – On Hold