It wasn’t terrifically long ago that my similarly-aged peers and I would while away our free time by filling ourselves up with booze, staying up ’til all hours and generally laughing about things that don’t matter. However, because time is all relative and life hates you, several years seem to have passed in the blink of an eye. A very slow blink, I’ll give you that, but a blink nonetheless.
You see, in comparison to my relative stagnation, many of my peers have found themselves – like most – succumbing to their various interpersonal and even animalistic desires. The evidence? Children. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against children, especially the children of close friends and relatives. I’d be tempted to go as far as saying I love all of those children, but I fear that choice of language could land me on some sort of list. These are the things you have to be careful of as a well-meaning yet single, childless, adult male.
As I desperately try to steer this bit of writing back towards the gentle stream and away from the vicious current I’ve found myself veering towards, I realise that the nature of my friendships with my parentally-dutied friends has changed slightly. The booze has been replaced by an endless stream of caffeine. Staying up all night has been replaced by being forced awake at various times through the night. Laughing about things that don’t matter has been replaced by worrying about the things that do, such as the possibility of falling from high places, exposed electrical sockets and “AAH-AAH-AAH! NO! Candle in jar DOESN’T go in your mouth. Put it back. Put it back. Good.”
Now that we’ve reached the phase where all my friends watch Paw Patrol with their young’uns, whether or not I happen to be visiting, I almost feel a sense of grown up responsibility and yet a sense of not having to worry at the same time. After all, I don’t have any children to look after. I don’t even have a dog. Or a goldfish. Even the spider from my driver’s-side wing-mirror seems to have vacated now, and that was about as low maintenance as you could get. But as an adult visiting my adult friends and family on sporadic occasions, I almost feel a sense of duty to ensure that the young life I happen to occupy a room with at the time is kept safe from harm and entertained by animated dogs, despite having no claim of guardianship for any of them.
By proximity, I’ve therefore become familiar with the Paw Patrol gang. I shouldn’t even know who Chase is, never mind that he’s always “on the case”; I should be idly and vaguely referring to him as “the blue one”. But alas, this world of hero doggies and villagers getting trapped under the occasional tree branch is part of my consciousness now. Still, the kids seem to like it, and who am I to argue?
It’s all been very electronic and ambient in here lately, hasn’t it? It’s like I’ve forgotten what a guitar and its accompanying distortion sounds like.
That’s probably why this caught me off guard slightly; it’s much more your run-of-the-mill rock song. Even if it does also give off vibes of Lou Bega’s Mambo No. 5.
Queens Of The Stone Age – The Way You Used To Do
Jamie Walsh 
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