Not Being In Control

The more I come back to this blog with stuff to moan about, the more I realise I don’t want to moan here. It all feels a bit too self-indulgent and, honestly, there are more important things in the world to be focusing on that aren’t me and my comparatively pathetic plights.

Several of the last few days have been blighted by bad happenstance. Some extremely bad events setting the wheels in motion for a whirlwind of absurdity and surrealness. As a result, reactionary situations have been impacted and never necessarily in a positive way. Does this sound enigmatic enough yet?

As far as personal crises go, this is one chain of events I’m not particularly comfortable with putting on display for the world to see, which only makes it harder for me to moan about it. That is, if I wanted to moan in the first place – which I kind of do, even though I kind of don’t.

When things get rough though, even the tiniest problem can feel like the worst thing in the world. And in my own silly little way of trying to rationalise and make sense of this stupid world and its stupid random and chaotic nature, I think I’ve found some small bit of clarity on it.

I hate not being in control of things. If something pops up out of the blue that you didn’t anticipate or plan on – yet you’re forced to deal with it on the spot – it can feel overwhelmingly frustrating and difficult. This is especially true if things involve additional costs to be paid with money you don’t necessarily have.

So after a last minute flight, long-stay car parking, immense traffic disruption, long-stay car parking for a second vehicle, and being thrown in at the deep end of car rental (with additional [and mandatory] extras) – on top of a sudden loss, fussy diet and temperamental shower facilities – I feel like this will soon be a week I just want to forget, while at the same time knowing I probably won’t forget it as long as I live.

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This feels like we’re swilling away the last few dregs of summer before we make way for the seemingly endless onslaught of dark nights, Glühwein and over-the-counter cold & flu drugs. It’s recognisable in keeping with other tunes by the band, but there are a small few of which that I’m actually familiar with.

Having spent several days in the countryside landscapes of Northern Irish villages, I’ve become accustomed to wide open green scenery. However, if I even so much as attempted to pull off these dance moves, there’d likely be a debate over what would be damaged first: my pride or my spine.

Jungle – Heavy, California