The other day, I walked past the local cemetery and smelled a barbeque. Whether the two things are related or not I'll never know, but as far as I'm aware corpses don't long for chargrilled slabs of meat in baking hot sunshine whilst blasting out whatever noises Rihanna's making at the time; it's more of... Continue Reading →

The seedy underbelly of the world keeps exposing itself to mine innocent eyes and I, being me, keep clasping one hand to them, throwing the other one outstretched, let out a cry of disgust and hope that pure concentrated evil will just cease to exist at the fact that I'm shielded by these two sight... Continue Reading →

Well, it's official. I'm going to die around fifty. How did I come to this sudden realisation? Well, I currently feel as though I'm living through my mid-life crisis now... at 23. It actually might not qualify as a mid-life crisis, as such. Maybe more of a real-life crisis what with the sudden impending monotony... Continue Reading →

Two days after the Games started, a bunch of people in the capital have decided to don some costumes, do some dances, make noises and maybe set off a firework or three. The whole thing is expected to last some fifteen hours, twelve-and-a-half of which will consist of athletes from every country on the planet... Continue Reading →

She had just finished filling the pigs' trough when Farmer Billy-Bob entered the barn. He stood sturdy and straight with his three-pronged pitchfork across his shoulders, resting behind his neck and he watched silently as Elsie-May dumped the entrails of the latest of the diseased sheep to have fallen. The snorting and gobbling noises of... Continue Reading →

After that last little condemnation of technology, it seems that - a recurring theme in the last month or so of my life - the machines have begun their uprising and have started to conspire against me. Since the machines don't have a consciousness of their own, however, they require human hosts to carry out... Continue Reading →

Technology was invented by nerds who needed something to lord over the popular kids. You see, as a sweeping generalisation, the popular kids were, by and large, a bit dim. They'd often get confused over how many times the letter 'O' appeared in the word "lose". During maths lessons they believed the square root of... Continue Reading →

The morningmares have started again. Morningmares are my nightmares quite simply because I have them in the morning. I don't dream during the night; as I believe it, external forces of light impose upon the closed eyelids forming random patterns amongst the veins and skin bits in between the light source and the exposed eyes.... Continue Reading →

The relentless aching in my bones has returned. This time last year I took up my post in retail assistant work after a nine month (or so) break to study. I say study because that's what makes me sound clever and hard working, but I say break because that's how it actually feels. Sure, undertaking... Continue Reading →

I'm not really one for conflict. Anyone who personally knows me would agree with that. Well, actually, anyone who personally knows me wouldn't really know that since I tend to be so reclusive I often forget what the sun looks like. (Then again, you're not supposed to look directly at the sun anyway so please... Continue Reading →